Love And Numbness And Voids

Forgive this post for being so childish... but i think i needed to see it written out.
There are a couple things i dont understand about losing love.

1) How come we are completely blinded to anything bad about the relationship instantly after it ends?
I went to an spring training at opera theatre st. louis about a week ago. one thing we had workshops on was something called the alexander technique. from my perception, it was a relaxtion method based on mindfulness. for all you non-therapist-speaking chicos out there, that's being aware of your surroundings to calm yourself down. I, having a particular problem with anxiety, was very interested in the alexander technique. the first steps were thinking about your neck and freeing it of all tension, so that someone could come up to you and move your head from side to side with no resistance. after thinking of that, one would focus on their shoulders, thinking of them as separating from the body, and becoming long and free. Then, finally, thinking of one's feet to be as big duck feet, securely but gently attached to the floor. The catch, however, is to be completely concious of your surroundings and where you are whilst thinking these things. In other words, dont zone out, and be in the moment. When one is on stage, they can be concious and there, but they can forget everything that happened once they step back to the wings. I didnt know other people experienced this! that i was the only one! but, low and behold, many people experience it. I've literally gone onstage for monologues and got done and had to ask people what happened, because i hadno memory of it. its a symptom of anxiety. the alexander technique is to help with that. it helps one to realize where they are and what they are doing. however, some actors play for that reason specifically. to forget where and who they are for a split second in time.... but that theory is for another day. anyways, ive said all this because sometimes, when one is in a relationship, they are present and "in the moment", but once its over, they dont remember key things about the relationship and end up being confused as to why they left in the first place. I'm notsure whether that's a symptom of anxiety, or just a symptom of relationship dynamics in general. I suppose, if the relationship was bad enough, one would only remember the bad parts instead of all the good. I, for one, only remember the good, and never the bad...sometimes to the point where i regret the break up in the first place. I know i had a perfectly logical reason, but it didnt seem logical afterwards. I think we can go into this numb spot... this place where we dont really feel anything anymore. eventually, feeling makes its way back, but it takes a bit. i suppose, my point is, i dont understand why. but, my words of wisdom to my self and all of you, is live. be there. take a really good look at everything around you, and think about how grateful you are that youre there. sure, your relationship may be hard, and rough, and hurting. but before you write it off, and forget everything, good or bad, admire it. you dont know what you'll get to keep and what you lose once you've lost it.

Love deserves to be admired.

2) Why is it that we dont want anything to do with love after a break up, but a few weeks later we're feeling lonely all over again? The point doesnt make sense to me at all. maybe it's that im young. maybe its that im not mature enough to feel certain things. but, all i know is that ive felt the, "i want to be free" feeling so many times before, but when the chance comes for me to choose freedom over captivity of a relationship, its uncontrollable for me to deny captivity. Why do we as humans enjoy that that hurts us? its such a trait of man kind, im noticing. so many beloved lyricists write their best when they are hurt. teenagers with broken hearts like to stay broken until someone else fixes them. alcoholics wait for that one drink to cure them of their hurt. middle aged women date and date and marry and marry to fix their loneliness. why do we always wait for something that's fleeting to make a permanent healing? i admit, that im coming to the realization that i like being sad sometimes. i enjoy quiet, pensive thoughts. and sometimes its good (see Sadness Should Be Perscription Medecine). and then, i dont want to be healed. but when i do, i go looking in the wrong places. there's only one Healer, that can heal in a lasting way, for our every need. I believe we were wired to need a Healer, and that's why we go looking for escapes. we were designed so that we would need someone or something to fulfill us. an empty void. the fact of the matter is, only one Someone can fill it completely. God has that power. He created that void in us for that specific reason. We try and fill that void with sadness, we try and fill it with the passion for freedom. but, honestly, the only way that will last is when we fill it with Him.

So, i guess i answered at least one of my own questions in this post.

Love is permanently filling of the void we all try so hard to fill our entire lives.