To My Beloved, For The Morning

Today I saw that I am one step closer to the love of my life. Every day that I continue, every day that I step forward, I'm one step closer to him. I realized that my soul has been with him for eternity. When the Lord made my husband, He was making me at the exact same time. He was thinking of me, making sure that every piece would fit perfectly. When I wake up each morning, I can feel him. Somewhere in the world, the Lord woke him up or me. Somewhere in the world, the Lord is making him into the man to house my heart as we combine them into one beautiful offering to the Lord. Our life together, our story, our fairy tale, will be our sacrifice to the Lord. 

But in the meantime, he gives me hope, my beloved one. When I walk down that middle aisle to my love, I'll be able to say to him with all confidence: Thank you. Thank you for haunting my dreams and living in my childhood. Thank you for waiting for me as I have waited for you. Thank you for sacrificing for me as I have sacrificed for you. Thank you for all the hearts you've broken so that you can be with me. Thank you for chasing after the Lord so that you could chase Him right up to me. For I am where He is and He is where i am. And now, we can be where He is and He can be where we are. 

A word of encouragement for you darling, so that when you finally read this, you can know what my wishes were for you when we still had not met: keep going. Keep wishing and dreaming. I know you have big plans for you and me, but focus on you for now. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be there when I'm supposed to be, so you need not worry. When your heart misses me at night, as my heart misses you, think about the things you might like to say to me when we meet again. Think about what we must have been like in heaven, before the Lord sent us down here. Think about how hard it probably was for Him to separate us! I bet it took all His might to split us up. But He knew better, as always. I bet we'll be in love--think about that. I bet we'll have the sweetest looks and the sweetest stories to tell our children about when we met. And also when you miss me at night, or early in the morning when you're seeing the first light of day, pray for me. Pray for me as I am praying for you. I pray that the Lord will guide and protect you. I pray that you will never ever feel alone. I pray that you would chase after your dreams at the hardest speed. Go find the closest flower to you. Hold it close to your face and study it, smell it's perfume. Look at the wrinkles in the petals and the wilting it has begun. It's still absolutely beautiful, right? Realize that even though it's wrinkly and broken, it still holds a sentimental charm and emits a sweet smell. Many situations in life have this symbolism. I urge you to apply it to everything you can. It will bring you a new outlook on life and a new hope for the beauty in the world. Many things, many relationships, many situations may feel broken, may look broken, but they will never lack a lesson. They will never lack some kind of benefit or encouraging thought. It may just take a couple tries to find it. 

Lastly, sweet love, smile. Smile in the day and in the night. It's a powerful medicine, you will be surprised. Smile because this is one day closer to when you have me. 

I love you. 

Love is definite. 

Love is infinite.

Love defies all separation. 

Mine (5/15/13)

My love, take me if you please.
My beloved, make me your other half.
My sweet heart, break mine if it sets yours free.
My darling, let me hold you until the sun comes up.
My dear, let me sing sweet words in your ear until you forget all of your troubles.
My sunshine, I know there is uncertainty and there always will be. But my sweet you must know that I'm going to say every word I can say, throw every fist I can throw, pray every prayer I can pray, to keep you in my arms.

Darling, choose wisely.

A Mature Person?

“A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

I think Eleanor did a wonderful job of explaining this. I'm on a family trip, and ive been particularly drawn to observing my little brother, michael. He is about twelve as of now, and he thinks hes so old and mature. He tells everyone's business and talks as if no one could ever prove him wrong. he means well, but sometimes it comes off completely wrong. I sat and thought to myself, when will he grow out of this and grow up? And then y thought pattern progressed to, well, am i really able to judge who is grown and who is not? and what judges maturity? am i mature? i believe that there are many different definitions of maturity--most depending on the individual or the situation. but when i saw this quote that Eleanor said, it made me think long and hard. maybe this isnt the official definition, but it is definitely a concept something that those coming-of-age should be thinking about. 

Thinking objectively in the midst of powerful emotion or biased passion can be difficult for even those over 21 and considered legal adults. some "adults" never really grow up...but thats a different topic. objective thinking despite emotion is something all of us should learn to be aware of in ourselves. its very easy for people, human nature, to make a decision based on how they are feeling at that moment. We must learn to look ahead, asking ourselves, "if i do this now, what will it make tomorrow look like?" one might be surprised at the difference even that, simply, can make. but of course, it is easier said than done. 

The second part of that sentence, talking about good and bad and humility, is particularly convicting to me. How often, and how "trendy"it is to judge those we do not know. Or even those we do know and still wish to continue judging. there are many many of those "trendy" characteristics about humanity that people of the world do not wish to confront (gossip, lies, judgement, things that people do and think "oh, its okay."). anyways, looking at someone and their outward appearance or even things youve heard of them, and being able to say, i know there is good in there somewhere, so i should treat them as such" requires a great amount of humility and self control. but WHAT a beautiful world we could create if more people thought that way. so much racism would go away--so many mental illnesses like eating disorders would be done away with--the most unlikely of friends would be made--bullying would decrease drastically. Think of it. we could change the world by a simple change of thought, could we not?

im all for equality, really i am. and i know there are some world-issues in which equality cannot belong because it would upset the political world, but i have thoughts of so much. if we, people, in our own minds, can humble ourselves and change the way we think. if we change the way we think, we change the way we act towards others and how we act in the presence of others. those simple acts for and among people will trigger thoughts in their minds which may inspire them to follow suit. then the process keeps multiplying. Now, it is unrealistic to think that every person will be affected by these acts, but we must have the hope that at least one in ten people will NOTICE. however, also, remember we should not be naiive or timid. "For the Lord did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7) some people may decide to take advantage of those of us that act humbly and think the best of people. but we must not recede or lose hope. we must believe that what we're doing does not only change others and the moods of others around us, but it will change us as well. it will uplift us and empower us. 

So this, to Eleanor, is maturity. to put ourselves aside for others. to make decisions void of selfish emotion. to humble ourselves and see the good in everyone. There is something beautiful about looking for the good in everything. it makes me, personally, very peaceful. but again, different story. do i agree that this is all there is to maturity? certainly not. there is much that goes into a fully developed human being. all we can do is look each and every day for a way to better ourselves into a more defined individual. who you are in this world is up to you, of course. but you only get one you. you only get one interaction in each minute of the day. that exact minute, hour, day, month, and year, will never ever happen again. and you got to claim it. so how will you choose to claim it? make the best of each moment. and strive to be the only you and the best you. live the legacy of you that they will talk about for years over. no one wants perfection, and the mistakes you make make you who you are. so dont be afraid to get out there and try. define maturity. 

Love is what comes after loving who you are.

Love deserves to be spread. 

It's Living Up To Your Childhood

Lucasta Weeping: Song

I
Lucasta wept, and still the bright
Inamour'd God of Day,
With his soft Handerkercher of Light,
Kist the wet Pearles away.

II
But when her Tears his heate or'e came,
In Cloudes he quensht his Beames,
And griev'd, wept out his Eye of Flame
So drowned her sad Streames.

III
At this she smil'd when straight the Sun
Cleer'd, with her kinde desires ;
And by her eyes Reflection,
Kindled againe his Fires.

--Richard Lovelace

Sorry Faulkner, Not Today

In all honesty I should have been paying attention in English. Really, I tried. But Faulkner is a lost cause in the majority of cases.
My attention was turned to the rain captured window, and I thought how beautiful it looks--single silver drops making their way down the pane. Something caught my thoughts, and at first it was on the tip of my tongue but the back of my mind. I thought, what do those gravity defined drops remind me of? Then it hit me...Love.
A young woman is a small gleaming raindrop made somewhere in the sky, and as she hits the window pane of infatuation and discovery through which she is most looked upon in her life, she comes in to contact with many other raindrops. Those other rain drops are young men she leaves a part of herself with as she goes by, sharing her sweet new moisture with the rest of them. When the rain drop finally stops, she will conjoin with one specific rain drop that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. The two rain drops come together as one, and remain together, until they are dissolved back up to the heavens from which they came. Some rain drops get all the way to the bottom of the pane before they find the other they are meant to be with. Some rain drops do not make their way all the way down the pane, and they find the other raindrop they are going to remain with quickly.
No rain drops path is the same as another's. Each one has a distinct pattern. That's the excitement of love.

Everyone's story is different. So who's to define normality and how is conformity really possible?

Love knows no bounds,

Love knows no limits,

Love knows no authority but the direction of the heart.

Love is One

There's a snippit in time... Fate changes it's path after its creation and tries its subject.
Why doth fate move so inefficient and slow as to capture
Its crossed lovers in decision.
The sun weeps for the stars and their path
To unwary nights to unwary days.
Human nature hates fate's betrayal and does its best to bend
Even where reality speaks falsely to this claim.
Come sky, let come night
And wind and weather too wise for wise's name
So that I may speak to thee in private and discover thy course
And end my painful travel.
Speak to me as I were a cloud to break into many pieces
In a moment not knowing to where I am bound
So not to be lost in the nave sky.
Oh hideous fate! Why doth the day shine in resplendent glory today,
Die in rain in the fort night?
Know you the trial in this inconsistency.
I pray thee,
Why do you show me such beatitude and splendor today
With promises of commitment in this day,
And the fortnight even more glories of wondrous passion equally so
That I may be swept with confusion and unrest in this troubled day so.
This foul lie,
This rival inconsistency
Is that of life lived full and wise one might oppose.
Fate's way of showing fate's beautiful creation is test and measurement.
If light affects light and darkness darkness
And in the same darkness light,
Would not disloyalty affect disloyalty and disloyalty faith?
In that way love stops here.
Love grows here.
Love finds here.
Shall I be one to oppose such a test of courage?
Love, this great seeker of our hearts and our recompense must be deserved and trusted.
It must be sure,
Defying all odds and measures,
Knowing no bottom and affecting no lie and no fallacy.
The great cause is this:
Love shall know its own boundary and be one.
For two nor three cannot equal love.

Love is one.

A Love That Matters

There comes a time when you really realize how unworthy you are of certain people in your life. this is the saturday of show weekend for Guys and Dolls, and i am really feeling how much i am going to miss this cast. This year has been especially hard because Miss Adelaide is a comedic role, it's junior year which means work galore, I'm dealing with my eating disorder, and I'm working with some people that i don't necessarily get along with all the time, but i want to love them anyways. its been trying and testing, but i feel as though I'm getting through. honestly though, the reason i chose to write to you, is because I'm recognizing that i absolutely could not have gotten through the past three months without the support of certain people in my life who were on my side from the very beginning. God put people around every corner to care for me and relax me. so, this post is dedicated to you, Brigitta, Peter, Kalen, Jacob, and Mrs. Lamb. I'm realizing that a vital part of love is that one must humble themselves and accept the help of others. it is then that they realize how much they don't deserve the love of others sometimes. These people in my life have given me love so freely and never expected anything in return. i feel compelled to do something, give something to all of them to thank them, but even then i feel it won't equate. these people delight in me...they take joy in watching me do what i love, and pain when i am hard on myself and feel like i will crash and burn. no words can describe how thankful i am to the Lord for placing them in my life right now. even if some of them are only for a time... I'm grateful to have had them at all. thanks to them, i had the courage to return home: to myself, to God, to the stage, and the beginnings of peace.

Love means humbling oneself and realizing how truly blessed they are to have those in their life that love them, even when they do not deserve to be loved at all.

This is the Love that matters--the Love the Lord gives freely every day.