I Like Listening To Others' Definitions Too

On Letting Go... "About a year ago, I was talking to an artist friend of mine about inspiration, and where it comes from. Throughout most of my life, I have never been able to answer that question, but I can easily answer that, now. And it was because of something a young girl (maybe 11 or 12 years old) said to me at my first gallery exhibit..."It's like you are in love with being in love". During the first couple of years of my life as a photographer, I could not have told you exactly what it is that inspires me...but that little girl instantly shed light on the truth behind my work...and I have never forgotten her words. There is no substitution for the pure honesty of a child. As time went by, I could not help but ponder the truth of her statement. "Love" is such a broad-reaching & nebulous term, so I began to look very closely at "what is love", to me. And I soon became very aware of what facets of love inspire me... I've been a very fortunate man, in that the 3 relationships I've had over the last 5 years were with women I simply had to photograph every day. We created art. Together. Truth-be-told, the majority of my work you see here on DA was produced with the 3 aforementioned women. The layer of reality & intimacy in the photos we created was undeniable. You simply cannot fake that...and it was exactly this that I fell in love with. This was my introduction to photography. I quickly became addicted to having a muse. To photograph someone I love...and someone that loves me. It is a powerfully-addicting drug, believe me. I've never been the same, since. What I call "art" comes from a very deep place inside of me...and to share that with someone means letting them into that place, with no restrictions. The bond between the two of us is infinitely deeper, as a result. But as I've said before: such great joy is often paid for with a parallel sorrow. Everything changes, eventually. Nothing lasts forever. And after that train has wrecked into a crumpled mess on the tracks, it's time to pay the price. For me, it is absolutely eviscerating to lose that fountain of inspiration. I think because she and I have been to such a deep & profound place together, it takes much, much longer to climb back to the surface...and it doesn't help, knowing that the climb up has to be done alone. Yet, despite the soul-numbing pain with which I pay for the joy I knew, and the art we would create together, I have never regretted climbing aboard that disaster-bound train. Eventually, and always, I get back in-line for more. It is purely for cathartic reasons that I write all of this. Only just today, after a year of healing, I can finally let go of her. To let go of the sad things, and the bad things, and the painful memories. I can focus solely on my good memories of her...and to smile again. It's much better this way. Thank you for reading my little cathartic diatribe, here...I love you guys"

--Unknown

An Extremely Heart-Wrenching Thing

this is my confession...

it is an extremely sad thing when passion is shot down by fear. And an even worse thing when that passion is not defended by the person eliciting it.

Ive backed down again, i must admit. Ive let fear get in the way of defending the one thing that's saved my life. But, i guess i just dont believe in public quarrelling. to me, it is a childish thing: to argue in a place where everyone can see and read it. and those who participate in it are a childish people (debate being a different story, of course). if replying literally twice deems me childish, so be it; i wont be a hypocrite. maybe someday ill grow up and have the courage to fight back, and not let people bully me into quieting down about what i believe in.
i guess im just bothered because, do i react to other people's occasionally offensive, questionable statements? i do not. i say to myself, "that's their opinion. ill keep mine to myself, because i know they'll be offended if i put in my two cents. and they deserve to say what they wish." however, i do not acquire the same respect unfortunately... all im asking for is agreement to disagree, and we can get on with our lives. someday, you'll understand my passion. someday, ill have the courage to defend it, whether it means losing friends or not.
someday, the world will see Love.

Love's passion fights, no matter the consequences.

Something That Went Through My Head Freshmen Year

This was something i wrote in my big eco-friendly journal freshmen year... i thought it was interesting.

3/11/10

there are a few kinds of people in the world. Some are mathematical, some are psychological, and some, are musical. One thing you can tell about truly passionate music people, is the way speak. can one be truly passinate about music and not have music in their voice? absolutely. However, there are some of those spiritually gifted people that God has chosen to give a speaking voice of music to. Maddison Sportsman and Joshua Eldridge are the first people i have ever noticed who have music actually in their speaking voices. I am replaying their voices in my head, and they truly speak GOD's creation of music. I thought, besides that, what sets them apart from my other musical friends? What are they doing that makes them so different? They know God. They truly want God's will for their lives. They want to take music, and show people that God had always intended it for good. They show the true beauty and wonder of God's creation of music. I imagine Josh and Maddie speak like Jesus does. We are made to run after the image of Christ Himself, yes? they are doing that! and, without their knowledge, He is making Himself known in their everyday voices! Jesus' voice, i picture, is the sweetest, purest, most harmonic sound in the existence of the world. For Maddie and Josh to be blessed with just a fraction of that is truly inspiring. Jesus' voice itself is something i look forward to hearing when i get to heaven... It gives me hope. I pray, in time, I will learn to sing praises as they do, but in my own way.


Love is musical.

Here's To You

Mystery
Arrogance
Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms
Through your defaulted face you wear with pride
Your stares ne'er stray to a side
But then your eye lingers, i catch you, and so
It begins

He has distracted me thus far
So when you ask me to dance
The anger does nothing but swell
I can't say no

We dance, dance, dance
In this minor trance we are deserted

Here's to screaming
Here's to yelling
Here's to falling so hard on my face
Here's to you
Disappearing without a trace

I don't understand
I never understood
You fought against your judgement?
The i love you's come quick
My disdainful side takes over
So i realize what ive lost
Your eyes, blue bullets, shot me deep

Ill miss your touch
But you wont
                  come
                        back.