Thursday, October 29, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
Over The Rainbow
It is a rare thing to feel that your soul has departed from you--from all trouble, doubt, flesh, and worry--and to see your world wholly and completely as you wish you could see it every day. The Lord gives you a glimpse of the home He has built for you in heaven: A warm light shines on your face with the most gentle caress. Your heart feels as if it is suspended in the sweetness of a day's dawn. Nothing else is apparent except you and the Lord God Almighty...He is smiling. He is smiling at you in the way that every person wishes to be smiled at. His bright eyes cause you to lift your voice even higher in song--your face bursting in the best way you know possible with the joy that is overflowing from your thankful heart. You hear the songs of the Angels, and then to your surprise, it sounds almost exactly like the voices of those around you. Suddenly, the Holy Spirit returns the consciousness to your soul and you are standing, completely elated--enveloped--basking in the warmth and comfort of the new family the Lord has been so gracious to bless you with. For me, this family was my MoBap Chamber Singers brothers and sisters.
This weekend was our fall break, but for arts kids, it was the Fine Arts Fall Tour. It was beyond words. I think I would have many to agree with me when I say that none of us--the MoBap Fine Arts groups--could have predicted or expected the release and joy that this tour would bring.
For me, the Lord took my tired soul, my weak voice, my broken wings, and He perfected them in Him. He took my imperfections, and before my eyes, freed my soul from its bondage. He turned my crying into laughter, my mourning into dancing, and my sorrow into joy. Everywhere I looked there was a seeing eye--a caring ear. So many times I caught myself laughing out loud and smiling and delighting in my new MoBap family--being completely authentic in the peace that comes through trust. I did not feel the least bit of hostility or judgement from anyone. I did not feel unwanted or uncared for. I did not feel discouraged or forgotten.
This group of people love the Lord. They love Him beautifully. I have never experienced anything like it. Because their hearts are so firmly placed on the Lord, it allows Him to do things through us and our time together that we couldn't imagine. This is what fellowship in the Kingdom truly is: coming together to learn from one another, humbling one another and cheering each other on to spur ourselves towards God's plan and Glory. This is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Now, for the music. Not all who read this may understand it, but I will speak my heart and pray that the Lord will move in the words:
Music, for generations and times and ages passed, has been the common ground between the material and the Divine. It is, in my opinion, the highest means of praise to the Lord because it has the ability--rather, the Lord has the ability through it--to embrace the heart and speak the kindest, most gentle wisdoms to the heart if the heart is open to receive it. Sometimes, even, it is the means to open the heart. It has the ability to break down walls and slip through barriers that our humanness can create out of fear. Through music the Lord seeks out our inmost beings and resonates life and light in our spirits. Whether it is a joyous praise, a rapturous thankfulness, or a gentle reprimand, music has the ability to speak God's word in such a way that enables Him to mold our beings.
No wonder Satan tries so ardently to use music as a tool of destruction--he fears the Lord's use of it because he knows it is a tool through which he can be completely undone. Lucifer--the previous chief angel of music in heaven--understood it's miraculous uses. The ANGELS see it as the best way fit to praise the Lord--what does that mean for its effect here on earth? This weekend has reminded me how important it is to be a vessel when I sing. I know that Satan could very well steal my will if I let him while I am singing. I remembered, contrarily, however, that the Lord is more powerful and has an even greater plan for the music that I make. That is why I have loved being a vessel especially this weekend--Through the power of the Lord and the encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I rid myself of all doubt and fear and temptation that Satan tried to bond me with, and freed my spirit to be a complete and transparent messenger for the Lord and His purposes. When I let go, I felt as though I were not mine, but His. The abundant resplendence of joy I felt standing beside my brothers and sisters praising the Lord was explosive and resonant.
I have been changed.
So what, then, does this say about Love?
Love is capable not only of moving hearts but bringing wisdom and peace. It begins with trust: as we live our lives for the Lord and do our best to hear from Him daily, we learn to trust His will and accept His movement. We are changed because Love has opened our hearts and our minds wide to receive whatever He will give us.
This weekend the gates to my heart were thrown open--joy sweeping in to flood my heart with thoughts and dreams and hopes and thanks to my God for the wondrous life I have been provided through Him.
"2 Praise the Lord, oh my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."
--Psalm 103:2-5
Love is this.
This weekend was our fall break, but for arts kids, it was the Fine Arts Fall Tour. It was beyond words. I think I would have many to agree with me when I say that none of us--the MoBap Fine Arts groups--could have predicted or expected the release and joy that this tour would bring.
For me, the Lord took my tired soul, my weak voice, my broken wings, and He perfected them in Him. He took my imperfections, and before my eyes, freed my soul from its bondage. He turned my crying into laughter, my mourning into dancing, and my sorrow into joy. Everywhere I looked there was a seeing eye--a caring ear. So many times I caught myself laughing out loud and smiling and delighting in my new MoBap family--being completely authentic in the peace that comes through trust. I did not feel the least bit of hostility or judgement from anyone. I did not feel unwanted or uncared for. I did not feel discouraged or forgotten.
This group of people love the Lord. They love Him beautifully. I have never experienced anything like it. Because their hearts are so firmly placed on the Lord, it allows Him to do things through us and our time together that we couldn't imagine. This is what fellowship in the Kingdom truly is: coming together to learn from one another, humbling one another and cheering each other on to spur ourselves towards God's plan and Glory. This is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Now, for the music. Not all who read this may understand it, but I will speak my heart and pray that the Lord will move in the words:
Music, for generations and times and ages passed, has been the common ground between the material and the Divine. It is, in my opinion, the highest means of praise to the Lord because it has the ability--rather, the Lord has the ability through it--to embrace the heart and speak the kindest, most gentle wisdoms to the heart if the heart is open to receive it. Sometimes, even, it is the means to open the heart. It has the ability to break down walls and slip through barriers that our humanness can create out of fear. Through music the Lord seeks out our inmost beings and resonates life and light in our spirits. Whether it is a joyous praise, a rapturous thankfulness, or a gentle reprimand, music has the ability to speak God's word in such a way that enables Him to mold our beings.
No wonder Satan tries so ardently to use music as a tool of destruction--he fears the Lord's use of it because he knows it is a tool through which he can be completely undone. Lucifer--the previous chief angel of music in heaven--understood it's miraculous uses. The ANGELS see it as the best way fit to praise the Lord--what does that mean for its effect here on earth? This weekend has reminded me how important it is to be a vessel when I sing. I know that Satan could very well steal my will if I let him while I am singing. I remembered, contrarily, however, that the Lord is more powerful and has an even greater plan for the music that I make. That is why I have loved being a vessel especially this weekend--Through the power of the Lord and the encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I rid myself of all doubt and fear and temptation that Satan tried to bond me with, and freed my spirit to be a complete and transparent messenger for the Lord and His purposes. When I let go, I felt as though I were not mine, but His. The abundant resplendence of joy I felt standing beside my brothers and sisters praising the Lord was explosive and resonant.
I have been changed.
So what, then, does this say about Love?
Love is capable not only of moving hearts but bringing wisdom and peace. It begins with trust: as we live our lives for the Lord and do our best to hear from Him daily, we learn to trust His will and accept His movement. We are changed because Love has opened our hearts and our minds wide to receive whatever He will give us.
This weekend the gates to my heart were thrown open--joy sweeping in to flood my heart with thoughts and dreams and hopes and thanks to my God for the wondrous life I have been provided through Him.
"2 Praise the Lord, oh my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."
--Psalm 103:2-5
Love is this.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
A Word From A Lyrical Genius
"life is more true than reason will deceive
(more secret or than madness did reveal) deeper is life than lose:higher than have
--but beauty is more each than living's all
multiplied by infinity sans if
the mightiest meditations of mankind
cancelled are by one merely opening leaf
(beyond whose nearness there is no beyond)
or does some littler bird than eyes can learn
look up to silence and completely sing?
futures are obsolete; pasts are unborn
(here less than nothing's more than everything)
death, as men call him, ends what they call men
--but beauty is more now than dying's when"
-- e.e. Cummings
(more secret or than madness did reveal) deeper is life than lose:higher than have
--but beauty is more each than living's all
multiplied by infinity sans if
the mightiest meditations of mankind
cancelled are by one merely opening leaf
(beyond whose nearness there is no beyond)
or does some littler bird than eyes can learn
look up to silence and completely sing?
futures are obsolete; pasts are unborn
(here less than nothing's more than everything)
death, as men call him, ends what they call men
--but beauty is more now than dying's when"
-- e.e. Cummings
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
And Then, There Is Life
Something needs to be said. I think about this quite a bit, but there is much of me that is either afraid or unsure or just plain inarticulate about this subject. But I think I have finally decided to tackle it.
There is an epidemic of which I admit to being a part: a paradox of sorts.
People my age--typically college students seeking peace in their chaotic world--are doing their best to address the growing social, political, and racial issues that have arisen, ten-fold, in the past five years. There are questions of morality, right and wrong, who gets to say what and when and how, liberty, religious freedom, unreligious freedom, joy versus happiness, peace, love, war, etc. AKA everything everyone has been dealing with since the beginning of time--just that this generation is finally defining their stand.
It has been my experience and subsequent understanding that my generation wants everything, but is willing to do the least possible and experience the least amount of pain to acquire their results. Myself included. As a daughter of the modern technological age, communication has become short and simple--shamelessly ambitious in the least ambitious way--and immediate, philanthropic contribution has been mated with a self-amplifying, materialistic fad (not that I don't love my pink striped Toms), and fighting ignorance has become as simple as a Facebook post about water shortages in Africa.
Now, I apologize for how bitter sounding this essay is thus far--I do not mean to express myself forcefully. I am a part of it and I may sound extremely hypocritical. My point here is to give a greater picture so that my main topic can be affirmed in nature: this generation has been given so much privilege, so much power, and so many resources, that I honestly don't believe we are always mature enough or responsible enough to use in the way God intended it. We are a generation that has painfully accepted the mantra that comfort is not only available for those that speak loud enough, but should be a right to all.
My more pressing observation came about in college: I had the privilege of being surrounded by a wonderful, loving, and compassionate group of people. I thought wow, you know, even though not many of these people are Christians, they sure have beautiful hearts. And it is true, they do! They are intelligent, kind, caring people. I began to believe, okay, I completely understand where they are coming from, and there must be a way to integrate these beliefs with my own. However, what I did not realize--or had trouble articulating for myself--is that they do have the same beliefs, but there is one pinnacle flaw that changes it all: A flaw that will forever keep me from being able to agree with them, or somehow join their beliefs with my own so that we can all "get along". This thought of "getting along" was my mistake, and the thought that I later came to realize would be the death of my ability to go on any longer, conceding my beliefs to theirs.
Let me begin by stating the majority of beliefs I met in my first year of college:
1. Everyone should be allowed to believe what they want, no matter what anyone else says.
2. One should get to decide for themselves what path in life they will choose.
3. Nobody should do anything to hurt anyone else.
4. Nobody should be allowed to say anything that hurts anyone else, or compromises someone else's beliefs.
5. Everyone should aim for peaceful tolerance.
6. Right and wrong are a decision for oneself--as long as its not hurting anybody or making anybody uncomfortable.
7. Everybody deserves to be happy.
Seems pretty legit, right? Also, these aren't all of the beliefs, just the ones I would like to focus on today. They also may not be true for everyone; but again, just what I have picked up on.
So, one can see how I easily transitioned into this society in college. I believe in many of the core beliefs stated here: kindness, compassion, peace, I am entitled to what I believe because it is my right, etc. But here is the problem I have run into: I found myself squishing my passionate love for the Lord and His teachings because I didn't want to "offend" anyone. It is no secret that the name of the Lord carries a powerful presence--a presence not all people are fond of. It makes them aware of their apparent short comings; it makes them feel the need to recognize God's authority in my life and ask themselves why they do not recognize Him in theirs; and in many, it makes them remember every "trauma" and no good deed that came of organized Christianity in the world. They see it as a threat to their comfortability, "liberty" and self reliance. This worldview blinds them to the beautiful reward and perfect peace that can be found in a life with the Lord. But more on this later.
The aforementioned flaw is this (really, it should be the plural, these): If everyone passionately, firmly, and defiantly pursued their beliefs--their moral compass--it would be impossible for NO ONE to get hurt. Someone will come along and feel offended because one person's beliefs directly oppose their own. Second, if right and wrong are all relative and based on each person individually, we will have so many opposing forces that complete chaos would break out. Another thing: all of these believers are big on growth--"we have to grow together and help each other become better people" etcetera etcetera. But when has there EVER been growth without pain? Without conviction? Without the ah-ha moment of, "I believed this way once, but now, seeing all of these things put before me and realizing my wrongfulness through humility, and now I believe a new way-a better way,"? If everyone is constantly walking on eggshells around one another and not trying to hurt anyone or question anyone's way of life (because right and wrong is based on your and yours only moral compass) how is any of that achieved? How do people change? How does the WORLD change? I'm sorry but there is no number of Toms that will save a dying nation from poverty and depression. There is no number of Facebook posts about your opinion or Facebook links about the most recent riot in St. Louis that will get anyone off of their couch to go out and start joining together for a greater purpose to start changing Missouri. Because everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to double click their circle button and swipe up on their Facebook or news app so they can go back to Mad Men, House of Cards, and Bob's Burgers and forget about their short lived moment of inspiring conviction.
On the topic of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment? You're just going to keep looking. The alcohol will stop working, the drugs will either hurt you or get old, the shopping will never be enough, the relationship will always leave you wanting more, and eventually you will see every part of the world that exists. Then what? Where do you go? Do you have kids? Do you advance your job? What do people say about you at your funeral? Where do you go when it's all over?
These are the questions I was left with. These were the thoughts I couldn't resolve living a life solely for myself or anything that is of this world. For me, and in my eyes, the world has absolutely nothing that can satisfy. The world has nothing that can pacify the pain, bring peace to the wars, or bring comfort to the orphans and the lost.
Christ saves. Christ comforts. And Christ fulfills our every empty vein. Formerly I mentioned that those with a worldly supplication for happiness can be blinded by the perfect peace the Lord offers in His kingdom.
I want people to know that the Lord did not come to rebuke or reprimand--He came to save. He came as a human. He came prepared to love the widow and the orphan in a way that no one before had thought of in society. Jesus came because the Lord needed someone to make people stop and think but also someone to answer all of their questions and curb all of their searching and yearning souls.
I have met a beautiful people in the last five years--a people that have a desire to learn and create and discover and be bent and broken for incredible causes. But what breaks my heart for these people is that they are never satisfied--they are never brought to peace. No amount of justice is curbs their righteous anger. No amount of sweetness can make their heart eternally tender. No amount of love will stop their looking and no amount of wandering can cease their intense need for discovery.
That being said, one of the great things about life is that some of these things are never meant to satisfy or be satisfied--for anyone. They make life what it is. But what concerns me is when people are looking for completion here. They are looking as if "this time" or "as long as this happens in my life" or "When I get this" they will be eternally happy. But the truth is that humans were not meant to be completed by the world. Our souls are not of this world, so why do we keep searching for worldly things to complete them? Our souls are so wonderfully deep and complex and indeterminable. It is time we do them justice by fulfilling them.
I think one thing people do not consider is, where do they go after they have been satisfied? What is next? Where do they go? What is their purpose? The fact is that there can be eternally more. Once the human soul is satisfied (and satisfied well) it opens up the ability to be humbled--to be broken and mended time and time again--to be grown--to be if service to the other humans around them. I think that is why we all want satisfaction. We want to get to this sweet place where we don't yearn or want anymore--we just are.
The Lord has this power. I implore you, look into your heart and reflect its shine on your own face--bravely, daringly, and unafraid of what you might see. Where does your satisfaction come from? Where will you go after that? Are you chasing to no avail, or are you working towards a peace that surpasses all understanding?
Love is peace
Love is honesty
Love is coming to peace in brutal honesty within oneself.
And then there's life.
There is an epidemic of which I admit to being a part: a paradox of sorts.
People my age--typically college students seeking peace in their chaotic world--are doing their best to address the growing social, political, and racial issues that have arisen, ten-fold, in the past five years. There are questions of morality, right and wrong, who gets to say what and when and how, liberty, religious freedom, unreligious freedom, joy versus happiness, peace, love, war, etc. AKA everything everyone has been dealing with since the beginning of time--just that this generation is finally defining their stand.
It has been my experience and subsequent understanding that my generation wants everything, but is willing to do the least possible and experience the least amount of pain to acquire their results. Myself included. As a daughter of the modern technological age, communication has become short and simple--shamelessly ambitious in the least ambitious way--and immediate, philanthropic contribution has been mated with a self-amplifying, materialistic fad (not that I don't love my pink striped Toms), and fighting ignorance has become as simple as a Facebook post about water shortages in Africa.
Now, I apologize for how bitter sounding this essay is thus far--I do not mean to express myself forcefully. I am a part of it and I may sound extremely hypocritical. My point here is to give a greater picture so that my main topic can be affirmed in nature: this generation has been given so much privilege, so much power, and so many resources, that I honestly don't believe we are always mature enough or responsible enough to use in the way God intended it. We are a generation that has painfully accepted the mantra that comfort is not only available for those that speak loud enough, but should be a right to all.
My more pressing observation came about in college: I had the privilege of being surrounded by a wonderful, loving, and compassionate group of people. I thought wow, you know, even though not many of these people are Christians, they sure have beautiful hearts. And it is true, they do! They are intelligent, kind, caring people. I began to believe, okay, I completely understand where they are coming from, and there must be a way to integrate these beliefs with my own. However, what I did not realize--or had trouble articulating for myself--is that they do have the same beliefs, but there is one pinnacle flaw that changes it all: A flaw that will forever keep me from being able to agree with them, or somehow join their beliefs with my own so that we can all "get along". This thought of "getting along" was my mistake, and the thought that I later came to realize would be the death of my ability to go on any longer, conceding my beliefs to theirs.
Let me begin by stating the majority of beliefs I met in my first year of college:
1. Everyone should be allowed to believe what they want, no matter what anyone else says.
2. One should get to decide for themselves what path in life they will choose.
3. Nobody should do anything to hurt anyone else.
4. Nobody should be allowed to say anything that hurts anyone else, or compromises someone else's beliefs.
5. Everyone should aim for peaceful tolerance.
6. Right and wrong are a decision for oneself--as long as its not hurting anybody or making anybody uncomfortable.
7. Everybody deserves to be happy.
Seems pretty legit, right? Also, these aren't all of the beliefs, just the ones I would like to focus on today. They also may not be true for everyone; but again, just what I have picked up on.
So, one can see how I easily transitioned into this society in college. I believe in many of the core beliefs stated here: kindness, compassion, peace, I am entitled to what I believe because it is my right, etc. But here is the problem I have run into: I found myself squishing my passionate love for the Lord and His teachings because I didn't want to "offend" anyone. It is no secret that the name of the Lord carries a powerful presence--a presence not all people are fond of. It makes them aware of their apparent short comings; it makes them feel the need to recognize God's authority in my life and ask themselves why they do not recognize Him in theirs; and in many, it makes them remember every "trauma" and no good deed that came of organized Christianity in the world. They see it as a threat to their comfortability, "liberty" and self reliance. This worldview blinds them to the beautiful reward and perfect peace that can be found in a life with the Lord. But more on this later.
The aforementioned flaw is this (really, it should be the plural, these): If everyone passionately, firmly, and defiantly pursued their beliefs--their moral compass--it would be impossible for NO ONE to get hurt. Someone will come along and feel offended because one person's beliefs directly oppose their own. Second, if right and wrong are all relative and based on each person individually, we will have so many opposing forces that complete chaos would break out. Another thing: all of these believers are big on growth--"we have to grow together and help each other become better people" etcetera etcetera. But when has there EVER been growth without pain? Without conviction? Without the ah-ha moment of, "I believed this way once, but now, seeing all of these things put before me and realizing my wrongfulness through humility, and now I believe a new way-a better way,"? If everyone is constantly walking on eggshells around one another and not trying to hurt anyone or question anyone's way of life (because right and wrong is based on your and yours only moral compass) how is any of that achieved? How do people change? How does the WORLD change? I'm sorry but there is no number of Toms that will save a dying nation from poverty and depression. There is no number of Facebook posts about your opinion or Facebook links about the most recent riot in St. Louis that will get anyone off of their couch to go out and start joining together for a greater purpose to start changing Missouri. Because everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to double click their circle button and swipe up on their Facebook or news app so they can go back to Mad Men, House of Cards, and Bob's Burgers and forget about their short lived moment of inspiring conviction.
On the topic of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment? You're just going to keep looking. The alcohol will stop working, the drugs will either hurt you or get old, the shopping will never be enough, the relationship will always leave you wanting more, and eventually you will see every part of the world that exists. Then what? Where do you go? Do you have kids? Do you advance your job? What do people say about you at your funeral? Where do you go when it's all over?
These are the questions I was left with. These were the thoughts I couldn't resolve living a life solely for myself or anything that is of this world. For me, and in my eyes, the world has absolutely nothing that can satisfy. The world has nothing that can pacify the pain, bring peace to the wars, or bring comfort to the orphans and the lost.
Christ saves. Christ comforts. And Christ fulfills our every empty vein. Formerly I mentioned that those with a worldly supplication for happiness can be blinded by the perfect peace the Lord offers in His kingdom.
I want people to know that the Lord did not come to rebuke or reprimand--He came to save. He came as a human. He came prepared to love the widow and the orphan in a way that no one before had thought of in society. Jesus came because the Lord needed someone to make people stop and think but also someone to answer all of their questions and curb all of their searching and yearning souls.
I have met a beautiful people in the last five years--a people that have a desire to learn and create and discover and be bent and broken for incredible causes. But what breaks my heart for these people is that they are never satisfied--they are never brought to peace. No amount of justice is curbs their righteous anger. No amount of sweetness can make their heart eternally tender. No amount of love will stop their looking and no amount of wandering can cease their intense need for discovery.
That being said, one of the great things about life is that some of these things are never meant to satisfy or be satisfied--for anyone. They make life what it is. But what concerns me is when people are looking for completion here. They are looking as if "this time" or "as long as this happens in my life" or "When I get this" they will be eternally happy. But the truth is that humans were not meant to be completed by the world. Our souls are not of this world, so why do we keep searching for worldly things to complete them? Our souls are so wonderfully deep and complex and indeterminable. It is time we do them justice by fulfilling them.
I think one thing people do not consider is, where do they go after they have been satisfied? What is next? Where do they go? What is their purpose? The fact is that there can be eternally more. Once the human soul is satisfied (and satisfied well) it opens up the ability to be humbled--to be broken and mended time and time again--to be grown--to be if service to the other humans around them. I think that is why we all want satisfaction. We want to get to this sweet place where we don't yearn or want anymore--we just are.
The Lord has this power. I implore you, look into your heart and reflect its shine on your own face--bravely, daringly, and unafraid of what you might see. Where does your satisfaction come from? Where will you go after that? Are you chasing to no avail, or are you working towards a peace that surpasses all understanding?
Love is peace
Love is honesty
Love is coming to peace in brutal honesty within oneself.
And then there's life.
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